Working on project a little beyond my skill level is fun until I reach the parts that are a little beyond my skill level. There is a gap between what I imagine I can create and the creating skills I actually possess. The only way to close that gap is to try things beyond the limits of my skill level. By trying things that push me, I broaden my repertoire.
This is all well and good, but it means that project that push me take a long time for me to complete. Again, not a bad thing, but it annoys me. I tend to want things to be done quickly, I don’t love staring down an endless project. But I also know myself, and when I am learning something new, something I want to truly retain, I don’t do it all at once. I work in bits in pieces, when I have the time and energy to fully focus on the task before me.
I’m sewing a satin skirt made from a pattern I designed. All of that is new; I’ve never sewn clothes before, I’ve never truly worked with satin, I’ve never drafted a pattern before. Doing all of this has already taught be so much and I feel like I’ve learned so much, even though my skirt is only halfway done. But I haven’t worked on it in two weeks—I reached another step I’ve never done: I’ve never sewn a zipper. The process can’t be too terribly arduous, but I haven’t done it before, so I don’t yet know the specifics. I don’t know if I need to use interfacing, I don’t know how to anchor the fabric to the zipper, how that process differs for an invisible zipper versus a visible one.
The zipper, the waist seam, and the hem, that’s all I have left. That is not too much, especially considering how much work and how much thought is has already taken me. I designed my own pattern for this skirt and worked with a fabric type I’ve never used before. I’ve already pushed myself into new territory and there is newness before me, still.
I wish I worked differently. I wish I had a better explanation for why I haven’t started on this zipper, especially since I reached that point in the project two weeks ago. I can be proud of how much I’ve learned and at the same time frustrated that I do not work faster. Frustrated that each new stage that I reach for the first time takes all of my focus. This project is not me simply sewing a skirt. I am drafting a pattern. I am determining how much fabric I need. I am doing math in a new way. I am selecting fabric. I am measuring and cutting fabric that must be exact. I am learning new stitches and tensions on my sewing machine. I am sewing satin fabric. I am ironing without owning an ironing board. I am figuring out how to sew a zipper, then a waist, then a hem. Each step in this skirt process is a project all its own. I wish it did not feel like it, but it is, and it does.
Though I can wish all I want, it is better to face that this is simply the way I work. My projects take time. They come when they are ready and not a moment before.