Some days, the world feels heavy. Things beyond our control, against the wishes of the people, take place, and we are supposed to cook dinner and go to work and act like everything is fine. It isn’t fine, it hasn’t been for a long, long while.
Tonight, I feel scared. I feel nervous about the future, and impossibly heavy knowing the weight of the suffering of so many people in the world right now. I don’t know how to handle it all, I don’t know how I’m supposed to hold all these feelings.
There are some days where showing up and clocking in is all you can do. I can’t skip out on work, but I also can’t truly get myself in the headspace for it when there are unbelievably reprehensible things happening in this country. Maintaining even bare functionality amidst the raging horrors in the world is extremely difficult. Both take an energy that is so difficult to do in tandem, especially when all I can think about is how much pain people are experiencing and how powerless I ultimately am in the face of it all. My reach is limited, I am one drop of water in a vast ocean.
I comfort myself with the knowledge that times like these cannot last forever.They will end, they always do. And from my own experience with facing hard things, we onlly make a true change when living with the current reality is worse than doing something different. Humans hate change—understandably—and will avoid it at all costs. But there will come a time when the current reality is so unlivable that change is the preferably option. Every new bombshell is a punch to the guy that we are not, apparently, at that place yet. Apparently, there is still more pain to be had, still more suffering in store. I don’t know how to handle that; I don’t know how to take more of it.
The world may be feel a bit lighter in the morning, but the days hold a heavy shadow. They have for a while and they will for longer, yet. I will do what I can, when I can, and I will try to write my way through.
